Confidence is a powerful word with lots of different connotations. What does confidence mean for you?
A definition that I find works well is that confidence is ‘the quality of being certain of your abilities’.
In my client work recently, a lovely lady felt she wasn’t good enough at work. Despite having progressed to a senior level in her career and having always received positive feedback, she did not truly feel confident in her ability to execute her role as well as she wanted. She had self doubt. She wanted confidence.
With a lack of confidence, it may appear simple on the surface. ‘I am not certain I can do it…’ However, there can be a number of different factors creating the lack of certainty in your ability. Whilst that may seem daunting, in fact it can be a huge asset for change. It ultimately means lots of possibilities for change; which is a great thing!
There could be a recent negative experience that is holding too much emotional charge, driving down your confidence and guiding your brain to respond in a less than confident way. There could be patterns of behaviours running, fuelled by limiting beliefs from childhood experience. Perfectionism could be at play; or a fear of failure. As I say, a lack of confidence is ripe for exploration and transformation.
I invite you to think of something you don’t feel 100% confident about doing. It could be an upcoming presentation at work, an exam, a tricky conversation or perhaps a sports match. It could even be hosting friends for dinner or staying calm around your kids.
Read on to learn my 3 simple steps to boost your confidence.
#1. What do you love to do?
Think of something you do feel confident at; something you love to do and you feel you are good at.
Everyone has something they’re confident and capable at doing, however big or small.
It could be cooking a curry, making your bed, plaiting hair, running, playing the piano, caring for your children or even excel spreadsheets!
If I use myself as an example, I am confident in my cooking ability.
#2. How do you feel when you do that?
Think about how you feel when you do that thing you love.
What is your mindset? What are the thoughts going through your mind? How do you approach it? What’s your starting point? How do you set yourself up for success?
Really embody it. Step into it. Feel what it feels like to be doing the thing you love to do.
Thinking of myself cooking: I love to cook. I have a can do, positive mindset that I will be able to make the dish I choose and if there’s a tricky part I will be able to work out how to do it. I am clear in my approach, methodical. I start at the beginning. I get all the ingredients out; I turn the oven on. I want to cook. I look forward to doing it. I feel relaxed and happy doing it.
#3. Use that mindset.
Take all those qualities, thoughts, ways of being; the mindset from that thing you’re really good at, and pour all of that into the thing you considered yourself to not be so confident at.
Feel what it feels like to do that thing confidently and capably, just like when you play the piano, run, make a curry, or whatever your confident activity may be!
I do not like reversing onto our drive. I am not confident at it. I hate doing it. I avoid it. However if I think each time I do it, I will get better at it and start at the beginning e.g. wait for the traffic to pass before doing it, relax my shoulders and smile, it feels much easier for me to do it. I am much more confident that I can do it.
Now go and do that thing, that you didn’t feel confident at, with incredible confidence running through you!
And if you need an extra boost, picture a dial in front of you that controls your confidence. Reach out and touch it. Spin that dial around to max; to the level of confidence that you want!
This simple process is the foundation of huge shifts in confidence. It’s all about mindset. What’s starts in your mind flows through to your behaviour and abilities.
(Picture is me not feeling confident about speaking to camera on social media but coaching myself using the above steps. A few minutes later I spoke to camera and felt good about doing it!)
If you would love some support in cultivating an even deeper sense of confidence, then please get in touch.
Tuesday 26th March 2024